I have a mother who presented some pretty good lessons, and a father who taught me that life is short so you best laugh and that a strong sense of humour is essential in life. They tried to teach me to be strong among any challenge, to stand strong and not let anyone push you around (or it could be just a part of who I am *laughs*) , and they taught me something that has helped me immensely .. that if there is something that I want in this world that I’d better get off my ass and go after it. That it wasn’t going to come to me, and if I wanted it bad enough .. get it, and if I wanted it that bad I was just going to have to work for it.

I know it wasn’t easy for them to raise 5 children in that day and age. Mom stayed home and took care of the 5 of us, and dad worked HARD to provide for us, at times, working two jobs to make sure we had what we needed. Through these experiences there was much about who I am who shone through.

I learned that when something I hold most sacred is at risk, beings I love more than life, self and beyond that, that I will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I can do to protect and keep them safe. I fought and fought through one experience and another, many experiences that would bring many of the strongest beings to their knees, some that left me on my knees crying from the depths of my soul, and from the struggle I became strong. My Greatest Strengths were born from my deepest struggles, so I learned that even the struggles were a gift in themselves. I learned that I needed to be responsible for my actions. Face it, you fuck up .. you pay for it. Either you pay with cash, you find a fair exchange or if you don’t it may come up and bite you on the ass *laughs*. So I try very hard to be careful what I create, cause I just might have to clean up after myself *LOL*. You clean up enough messes and you’re more cautious about causing them. =)~

They also gave me a sister and 3 brothers who are all unique individuals *giggle*. Through them I learned that sometimes to grow closer you need to learn how to fight first, but when one of your own is on the ground you reach out your hand and help them. We learned how to share, and at times even how to get along *grins*. To my sister, who has truly been a blessing in my life, to my little brother who hopefully I made up to when I took him to that kegger for the time I dressed him up funny when he was little and made him go out in public *giggle* and to my littlest brother who made me laugh every time he said “fire truck” when he was little, even my older brother, who was usually WAY too uptight, but has learned how to mellow out some now that he’s aged *laughs* it’s been one hell of a ride hasn’t it .. here’s to smoother sailing’s! *s*

By the time I came around mom was already exhausted from my older sister and brother’s that poor dad got stuck with me *LOL* Which explains my strange sense of humour =)~ I DEFINITELY was NOT an easy child to raise *laughs* and I STILL and will ALWAYS hate lima beans! *inside joke for mom .. grins* I have a rebel spirit, a warrior spirit that just won’t quit and I know I caused them many restless nights *grins*. (nuff said about that *laughs*)

They did their best with what they had to work with .. and I truly hope they fully understand how much they mean to me. Family has a way of bringing out the best as well as the worst out to the surface, presenting you with some excellent lessons that allow for growth. My mother recently gave me the greatest compliment she could have ever given me. Time’s were a little difficult for me and she said “We never really worried much about you. Even through the hardest times you could always make things happen for you. Not only could you pull a rabbit from your hat, but you seemed to be able to make him dance too.”

I was married. He, to me, was the bringer of some of my most difficult lessons, some that I wouldn’t want to have to experience again. From those experiences, along with very many things, I learned unconditional forgiveness. That some times it’s not enough to forgive others, that you also need to be able to forgive yourself. That love and forgiveness walk hand-in-hand, they are opposite sides of the same coin. It’s not possible to truly have one without the other, but also that you can only do so much and sometimes the person you really need to love the most is yourself and let go when it becomes destructive. If you cannot release it, you risk becoming stuck and possibly losing yourself. Makes me wonder though if it’s possible that the heart can only take so much until it just has to let go. With enough time we learn that you may be able to forgive the person, but you cant always forgive the situation, but still .. you must go on.

I had the most amazing life partner Dan, who taught me SO many things, that not everyone you love hurts you, hit’s you, breaks your heart or abandon’s you. He has taught me that you can be STRONG even when you think you can’t take anymore. I always thought I knew love. Knew what it was to BE love and to express myself from that point of being. Dan took me to a depth of love that I had only dreamed possible. He gave me the gift of KNOWING what it feels like to BE LOVED at a depth beyond description. It would be impossible for me to express all the beautiful things that he’s brought into my life, he’s like the ultimate gift .. the one that keeps on giving *giggle*, but who can definitely keep up on his own .. which goes to prove that the age difference can be a blessing *giggle* =)~

I am a mother of 3 of the greatest kids I could ever have dreamed of, two daughters and one son who I love deeply. I’m not sure how good a mother I was, I DEFINITELY could have been better. But I tried my best to instill the things I felt were important to the development of not only the physical, but their emotional development. I know I could have been a better mother, and have often wished for a chance to go back and make different choices. But I know that all I can do is accept the past, knowing that I did the best I could, taking into consideration that which I had to work with.

I tried to give them all that their hearts desired of the material world that I could afford to provide, but I also tried to instill within them that which money cannot buy. That which I hold sacred, such as acceptance, tolerance, forgiveness, compassion, kindness, to express themselves and live to from their hearts. I tried to share with them strength, faith, hope, passion, and hopefully not to be afraid to dream. Encouragement and the knowledge that if there was something that they wanted so badly they could feel it deep within them, then to get up off their ass’s and go get it. I learned a lot from my children and adore them more than they could ever possibly comprehend. I have stood feeling such pride so deep within me of them, because of them. I hope they know how very proud I am of them, who they are, who they are turning out to be. It’s been one hell of a ride hasn’t it kids? *soft loving tender smile*

My mom once said “I hope your children grow up to be JUST like you!”, looking back I don’t think she meant that in a good way *LOL* I do think she willed it into being with those words, but I should thank her because I can see a lot of myself in my children. They are survivors, warriors, yet still have strong hearts and a very sensitive compassionate side to them.

I am a grandmother to a most beautiful granddaughter (Aunika Gabrielle), whose name is as magical as she is. She, who is as angelic as her name implies, but whose Fire and Spirit also shines through. *much to her daddy’s dismay* I'm almost afraid to tell my daughter that Auni reminds me an awful lot of myself, as just from the thought of it I can hear my daughter exclaiming "Oh Great!" =)~

I have a lot of working associates that I admire and respect as the beings they are. I don’t have a lot of really good friends, but the one’s I have I believe are strong enough to weather the storms of change. I am MOST grateful for each and every one of them, holding them tight to my heart as the treasure they are.